I get a specific question a lot lately and feel like I am long overdue a discussion about it. The question: “Are you playing any (video) games right now?” The brief answer as you could have guessed by reading the title is, No. 

This might come as a shock because for years a vast portion of my identity has revolved around video games. I love to be immersed in a world, fall in love with it’s story while meeting and getting to know people from all around the world. I love to see the art, skill and design others put into games and understand how they work. I have even worked professionally as a broadcaster on twitch as well as in the games industry. However that has changed in the last year. 

My main character Crazmadsci from the Elder Scrolls Online

Due to the events of the world of 2020 of which I don’t need to list. Every single person has felt an extra level of stress, confusion and uncertainty for the future. No matter how hard anyone tries that stress inevitably leaks into the things they do to have fun and relax… video games. Over the course of 2020 the activity I spent to decompress from my day started to become the most stressful part of my day. 

It became obvious that people used their anonymity to take out frustrations on others, vent, or complain how the developers don’t care enough to fix it. As I experienced raid groups disbanding, guilds crumbling and increased arguments. It became obvious that my oasis of peace became an added source of anxiety. Something had to change. 

As a result crazmadsci.com was born. I have always loved tabletop games and especially the creation portion of the hobby. Almost as long as I have played video games I’ve loved models. 
So instead of playing online in a world that constantly reminded me of stress and anxiety I’ve learned to unplug from it all and spend time in self reflection and 3d print and paint models, figures and terrain for tabletop games. Instead of being frustrated about things I cannot change I create and build for a future where I can sit around the table again and immerse myself in a world with others. I focus on what I can change… My skill in the hobby. 

Also a portion of me, almost as strong as my passion for all things games has also been to teach. I love to share what I know, inspire others from my enthusiasm, and document my personal growth and discovery. This site is to attempt to capture all the things I love: games, creation, and teaching.

Am I saying that I’ll never return to games? Oh absolutely not. I am strictly taking more time removed from the mouse and keyboard and instead picked up a paint brush more frequently.
For all of my friends who have asked and are concerned for my absence, I’m sorry and miss you too. Thank you for noticing and asking that question. Don’t worry games are in my blood. I’ll be back. In the meantime follow along in my journey here. 


3 thoughts on “Why I am not actively playing video games

  1. You are totally right. Sadly, I have witnessed this as well.
    Why people can’t they keep their anger and frustrations outside of the game? And it’s not just the young ones, but adults too…

    When I log into the game I just want to relax, play and have fun, especially since I play a cooperative one.

    If you go back to video games you should definitely try Neverwinter. Ping me and I will invite you to our guild. And I will give you a lot of fashion items (that is the real end-game, isn’t it?).
    Oh, and some useful items too… 😉

    1. I actually played Neverwinter a long time ago I think 2013? It is a great game for sure but I have always thought about going back to it. I really enjoyed the PvP and think I could really immerse myself in the world more as I’ve learned so much more about the Forgotten Realms as a whole. I even worked with a few people who worked on the game years ago. But thank you for the kind offer it is always a great start to begin a new game with friends and a group.

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